Awareness
Awareness is a pretty big buzzword these days. I hear phrases like “Practice Awareness!” “Be in the moment!” thrown around by speakers, articles, therapists, and friends. But what does being Aware really mean? Why is it so important? What will it do for you?
Life on Autopilot
Have you ever driven somewhere and when you arrive, you don’t remember the drive? Or even better, you take the right turn to go to school drop off even though it’s Saturday and you were headed to lunch? Most of us go through our day without spending a lot of time thinking about each moment, each step in our day. And this is not a bad thing! If we had to think about every action we took we would be exhausted by noon! But sometimes doing things consciously is necessary, and sometimes we need to focus on what we are doing so we can learn a new way.
Do you know what actions are second nature to you? What about your schedules? Or thoughts in your head? Your reactions to the actions of others? When you start paying attention and practicing Awareness, you will be surprised how much of your life is lived on autopilot, and how much power and control you can take back.
We wouldn’t be able to function if we had to think consciously about every little thing we did throughout our day. To save all that computing power, our brains develop shortcuts, like the drive to school drop off, that we don’t have to consciously think about. Our brains do this whenever an action is repeated over and over. I play guitar, and when I first started learning I had to think about each chord, each placement of my fingers. I was slow and made a lot of mistakes. But with practice, I got those fingers in the right position. Chords became automatic and my body knew what to do without my brain thinking about it.
Stuck in a Rut
Image by Günther Schneider from Pixabay
Playing guitar is one thing, but what about all our complex thoughts and actions? How many things do we do without even thinking about it?
For example, you know you are a “night person.” It is impossible for you to get up in the morning. You consistently stay up late watching TV or scrolling through social media. What happens when the alarm goes off in the morning? You press snooze, if you wake up at all. Oops! Overslept again! Now you are rushing yourself, rushing the kids, and everyone is in panic mode. After lots of yelling by everyone, you finally get out the door, only to rush back in for that thing you forgot. The next day, the same thing happens all over again! You are frustrated and don’t want life to continue this way, but what is there to do? You are a “night person,” and so it’s useless to try to change.
How about this metaphor? Every morning, a farmer rides out to feed his cows who are about a mile from the barn. He goes out, feeds the cows, turns around, and goes back to the barn. He does this every morning for 20 years, following the same routine.
What do you think happens to that road over the years?
Over time, the farmer creates grooves in the road, wearing down the same spot day after day. Pretty soon he can let go of the wheel because the grooves in the road keep him on the path to his cows. He doesn’t even need to think about it anymore. However, in his daydreams the farmer looks out beyond the field and desires something different—to be an artist, or a pilot. But he can’t go off the road, he’s stuck in a rut!
When we are born our brains are blank canvases. But as life happens we have experiences that our brains record. Our thoughts and actions reinforce the experience, and we start creating those grooves in the road, developing programs that we switch on each time a similar experience happens. Many of us adults are running our life on programs we created when we were between 5 and 12 years old. Think about that. What kinds of thoughts were running through your head back then? Before we were old enough to realize it, we made emotional decisions that created deep, lasting grooves in our brains that are still looping … and we don’t even realize it.
“I’m a night person.” “I don’t exercise.” “I can’t control my snacking.” “I can’t communicate.” After years of the same thoughts and behaviors, we get stuck in a rut, and feel like there is no way out. We don’t realize that these thoughts and behaviors are based on the past, they are not who we are today! We don’t have to follow them if we don’t want to!
Practicing Awareness
Image by Mote Oo Education from Pixabay
The most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. Being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions will create a deeper understanding of who you are. Many of us know the conscious parts of ourselves but very few are familiar with our subconscious. However, the conscious mind is the tip of the iceberg! Most of the time our unconscious thoughts, feelings, and actions are running the show.
What can we do about it?
I have a game I call “How long can you stay?” that helped me learn how to stay in the moment and practice being aware of where I am and what was happening around me right then. I love to play this game on walks, in the car, or when going to network meetings. You can try it too. See how long you can stay observing, consciously and without judgment. What does the sky look like? What’s playing on the radio? How does your body feel in the seat or how do your feet feel connecting with the pavement? Are you hot, cold, or just right? What are other people doing around you? Notice how long you can stay before your mind takes you out with random thoughts, down a rabbit hole and out of the present moment. One minute? Two? What thoughts eventually come into your head and take you out of the moment? The list of things you need to get done today? The important presentation you have to give to a client next week? What the heck you are going to make for dinner?
It sounds easy, but is it?
Einstein once said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” The method I teach my clients looks simple, yet the challenging part is we are competing with our biology, minds, and neuro pathways. When something triggers you the brain releases chemicals that flood your body causing you to react (fight or flight), kind of like Pavlov’s experiments with dogs. Pavlov conditioned dogs to learn to associate a ringing bell with food. After a while the dogs would salivate at the sound of the bell—they anticipated that food was coming. However, we are not dogs, and we can unlearn these associations if we want to. In my work I guide my clients to notice when they hear their “bell” (their triggers), bring Awareness to their reactions, and then stop long enough to choose what they want their actions to be. “Am I actually hungry?” “Do I really want to engage with that person?”
Practicing Awareness allows us to undo our conditioning, essentially changing our “thinking” to solve our problems. The hard part is recognizing when we are triggered and observing what happens in our minds and bodies. Strong emotions can arise, and that can be scary or uncomfortable. I talk through this process with my clients, helping them understand their thoughts and feelings and challenging them to dive deeper. The good news is that we are all capable of doing this!
Teaching an old dog new tricks
When we practice Awareness we can choose what goes on autopilot and what we do consciously. We can also relearn our actions or thoughts. If your kid starts a new school, you have to learn a new school drop off route. Is this hard? No! After a few times of consciously thinking about driving the new route, the action becomes second nature and your brain can kick back and relax. At first, you may take a wrong turn or two as you learn, but that’s okay!
You can do the same thing with any of your unconscious habits.
- What is something you want to do differently?
- Once you find it, ask yourself, “What is my true intention in this situation?” (Let go, connect, be fully self expressed…)
- Practice Awareness! Bring this intention back into your conscious mind as much as you can.
- Pay attention to your emotions and thoughts. What is your mind telling you? Is it actually true?
- If you notice you are off course, change your behavior to match your original intention.
- Repeat! The new method will become second nature eventually, but expect to take some wrong turns at first. That’s okay! The more deeply rooted a habit is, the harder it is to change and the longer you will have to stay aware, and it can be done.
Now you can be proactive, deciding what you want and declaring your intent, how you want to behave, and what actions you want to take.
Staying Aware- Keep your head out of the sand
Afraid of falling back into old patterns? You will! These patterns are a loop, and until the pattern is broken and a new one is established they will most definitely come back. When challenging issues come up we default into old patterns without knowing it. This is normal and will happen! But guess what? You now have an amazing tool to help here too. Awareness!
When you realize you’ve fallen back into old habits, first, know that it’s okay! Be kind. Go easy on yourself! This is all part of the process. Then make a plan for the next time. Notice what triggered your reaction, what behavior you defaulted to, and get clear about what you want the next time the situation comes around.
You are now well on your way to mastering the relationship with yourself. When you are true to yourself and are clear about what you want, you attract the right jobs, people, and relationships into your life. It all starts with you!
